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Damn you, muse. Leaving me halfway like that. It's not fair.
Holidays almost over. Playing my old Linkin Park songs at full blast.
Parents away in Singapore for the weekend. Wonderful. No more having to constantly remember to keep an eye on my laptop. No more parents swooping down to 'see' what I'm doing, where I'm surfing etc. No more having to close all MSN windows after chatting for fear of parents scrolling up and taking their time analzying what I've been talking about with friends. All in the name of 'what have you got to hide?'. They come in like 10 times a day. I have to protect my social life from their prying eyes. They want to know my friends. They want to know who I'm talking with, about what, why. I can't let them see any Friendster page or I'll be stuck explaining the life history of said friend, while they glare are the photo of the friend like a time bomb. They check my blog like twice a day, more than and before any of my friends. They interogate me in a manner that would make the KGB proud if I want to go out with friends. Last night, my mom spend a better part of it asking 'is there something you want to tell us? Do you want to talk about something?' over and over again till it drove me nucking futs. I felt like saying, 'Oh, by the way, I'm pregnant' or 'Oh I happen to be a hardcore junkie' just to satisfy them. It's like they want me to tell them I have some deep-rooted problem that only they can help overcome. Pfft. I've also been sorely tempted to just surf for porn and leave my laptop lying around. Or write a suicidal post. Hah. Bet that's what you want, no? To catch me red-handed with something like that you can lecture me summore. Like once I stayed out late night once. Playing pool. So, everything boils to that.
'I really have been studying.'(HONEST to God)
'Yeah, by playing pool till 3am'.
FYI, two weeks before semester I was studying my ASS off. Going libraries every goddamned night. Didn't touch my laptop/any form of my usual entertainment for two whole damn weeks. But knowing my perpetually screwed up life, I will probably do badly in semesters despite the hours of serious intensive study, and you will think I was lying about studying and was actually playing pool till 3am every single day. All I've worked for = 0.
Well fuck that.
Wheter I 'go out' or not, you guys don't trust me. Therefore, I might as well, right?
I know you guys care. That's probably the reason I've gone out for a grand total of ONCE with friends these 2 weeks. And it's not even my usual gang. I spent the first week doing assignments, and the second week getting nagged to study (study what? I didn't even bring my books back) and getting asked 'have you finished your assignments' twice a day. Hello?!?!?! You guys are not even fifty!! Or is senile dememtia kicking in early??
Why can't you guys be like normal parents?!!? Normal parents don't give a shit what their kids blogs are. Normal parents don't treat a guy friend they've never met like a potential rapist. Normal parents don't pry into their kids lives till the point of 'observing MSN chat sessions'. Normal parents do not have problems understanding the notion of 'social networking through tuition'. (when I explain I know xxx from tuition last time, they cock their eyebrows and give a the 'look' as though I said I was born of a sea slug.)
I long for Subang. Away from suffocating surveillance.
Subang!!! Subang!!! Freedom!!!
Now all I have to do is forget to bring something important/screw up some massive thing so my parents can gleefully use it as a lecture material and as proof #23568273658 that I am still a naive, incapable, incompetent little girl who needs to rely on her loving parents for every single fucking thing. Then, my sad, pathetic little life will be complete.
I am completely aware that ranting on my blog will ease little fustration as they are the ones to read it first. And if you must leave a comment, I suggest you sign in as annonymous or my dad will trace you to your blog, read all about you, then read about your friends' blogs, and their friends.
15 comments:
cant wait to see you. and talk - p.
can I help it if I am tech savvy?
Relax, buddy, I know how you feel, at least to a certain extent..the blog-checking, text-message reading, and repeative nagging at least...haha, really do crave some privacy, sometimes...I would definitely NOT dare write whatever you did...
But oh well, all parents just want the best for their kids, monitor them and protect them in whatever way THEY feel is best. No doubt it can be unbelievably infuriating and sometimes utterly unnecessary (I do get real pissed sometimes)..Lol..but like you said, its cos they care, and for me, I'll just take care not to write the wrong stuff, and to keep my phone with me at all costs..Muahaha..=P
Glad to here you've recovered, though. Take care!!!=)
Heh. Since I'm family I have nothing to fear.
Freedom is addictive. Freedom can make people go nuts. Mum and dad do what they do best. Now you understand my rants on privacy and public domain? There has to be a limit in this.
You can see how much conflict there is when you cross lines with mum and dad. Imagine when your actions online cross lines with your friends. The government. Big coorporations. Future employeers.Some will exploit it. Some will use your writings against you.
That is my point: people are no ready to use the internet. most people dont know the bigger implications of their actions online.
Wait till my exams finish. I've got a good piece on this coming up.
hey babes, chill~~ i understand how it feels cos my family's the same. just that u have a set of parents in ur home, i have a dozen of adults in mine. all of whom are control freaks who share a common fav pasttime - to make my life miserable. but thank god they dunno i hv a blog *swt*
anyways, sigh i really dunno wat to say. everyone keeps saying they do it for our own good, and deep down inside we know it. but sometimes we just cant stop wanting them to mind their own business huh? blehh. u have my sympathies. see u on Tues! or mayb monday? ^_^ take care! jyaa~
Hey, the Death Note/LxRaito yaoi freak here. :) Ooh. Hmmm. Well, I have privacy, which is brilliant. My computer's in my room, and no one in my family's tech-savvy. Even then, my blog is friends-only and private content is only accessible to those with accounts and whom I've friended, so life is good.
Most parents often want to prove a point - that they're parents, and that to them... you will always be that little, crying and helpless child who will need their assistance and guidance throughout many situations in life.
What your parents've been doing regarding your monitoring is a bit of an overkill IMHO (and that's putting it mildly, I suppose) but therein lies the puzzle and undisputable truth - they do not really see a limit as to how far they should or can monitor you and/or disregard your privacy. Being a parent in that essence does give you that semnance of control over your kids' lives and suchlike, but the time must come when one must let go, at least to an extent.
Thus, well... you will just have to accept that your parents will stay your parents, and there's really nothing much you can do about their hovering over you like a hawk and trying to check out and record every single detail in your life, especially from the social aspect. It happens. I can't relate to the tuition thing because I've never taken tuition (muahaha!) but I *do* get the same reaction when I tell my parents I met so-and-so online, through forums and suchlike.
I've just turned 17 - my mother is away 99% of the time, and when she's finally home, she talks to me as if I'm 5. There's a contrast as to how she handles her conversations with me - she talks to her friends about how mature I am and to an extent, she realises how much I know about the world and how much I understand things, and that I've been through quite a lot of shit (no thanks to her and my dad's asshattery). And yet...
"Why are you still at college!?"
"I'm studying."
"With who!?"
"My classmate?"
"A guy ah!?"
"Well, yes."
"Be careful ar, guys nowadays..."
"Oh, for CHRISSAKE, he's my classmate!"
And then there was the case when my two close female friends stayed over and we decided to go down to the tennis court in my condo to look at the stars and eat marshmallows at 2AM. :) Weird girl stuff. So, me being surprisingly filial at that point of time, I told my mum. She freaked out initially, but she let us go down.
Well, what do you know, after that, my mum panicked and called my violin teacher, Melysa (whom I treat as a close friend and a sister! :D) about it, and asked her.. well, begged her, really, to interrogate me and find out what really happened that night - as in, you know, as to whether I was REALLY at the tennis court or whether I went partying with my two friends. I didn't know she asked my violin teacher 'til recently. Melysa, then, told my mum that I'd fulfilled my role by actually informing her that I was going down to the courts, and that what was left for my mum to do was to trust me. My mum then proceeded to launch into a whole tirade of crap; something along the lines of "What if she gets pregnant!?" to which Melysa thankfully rebutted with "Oh, for GOODNESS' SAKE, she's smarter than that! She won't do something so stupid as to get PREGNANT!"
My mum also freaked out over my being in a nearly all-guy class.
"WHAT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'RE ONLY TWO GIRLS. GO ASK FOR A TRANSFER."
"...I most certainly will not. They're good people."
"MEN NOWADAYS ARE DANGEROUS."
"They're BOYS. In every sense of the word! And they're fine."
I don't bother clarifying with her that my best friend in college i.e. my partner in class is NOT my boyfriend, because I know that my denying it will go nowhere - she's convinced and henceforth she's absolutely terrified that he'll impregnate me or something despite the fact that we're not together, he has a girlfriend, and we have no intention of totally boinking each other senseless anytime soon. But that's my mum for you. *shrug*
It's gotten to the point where even my DRIVER butted in and told my mum not to control my life so much lest I totally ignore her in her old age. XD I won't go to such an extent, but I'm pretty sure I'll definitely try not to meet up with her as much as possible, if ever.
Parents don't really realise this, but... the more you try to control your kid, the more the kid'll try to break free. When they finally get the taste of freedom, and if they've never known it - they'll be so intoxicated, they won't want to ever go back to the previous state of things again. You and I are mature enough to ignore the whole possible 'MUAHAHA I'M FREE AND SO I SHALL, LIEK, GO PARTYING ALL NIGHT LONG FOREVAR AND EVAR THROUGHOUT MY COLLEGE LIFEZ' because we realise that studies and whatever goal we're focusing on at the moment is more important, which is of course a good thing. But, parents don't REALISE we're mature enough that we REALISE that, too.
In conclusion - parents just need to see us for who we are, and stop seeing things through rose-tinted glasses. We were bound to grow up, eventually. We were those young kids, once. We sometimes still are. We will still make mistakes. But that's how we learn, especially when we seek to rectify the wrongs we've done, all by ourselves. Our parents will just have to let go, slowly, and still guide us, but only when we ask for help...
Prevention is infinitely better than curing, and of course it's good to prevent something bad happening before it's too late via nagging and lecturing and suchlike. However... there're only so many points you can get across, and so many things that we as teenagers can learn theoretically. Unless we put things to the test practically and in RL, we're never gonna get anywhere.
It's part of growing up. It's part of life.
It's part of discovering who we really are, and forming the identity that we will carry with us into the big, bad reality that is the world.
Cheers, darling! :)
P/S: ...Man, I really need to pass you the photostated picture soon, huh. Are you going for the Anime Fest?
Hey man. Chris here. Yout go guts. I mean to post all tat knowing ur parents are goin g to read bout it anyway.
I cant say i completely feel for u , cause i dont have parents like tat. But i can imagine how its like. My parents kinda balance off each other. So when ever I get cornered by one, i feel comforted by the other. Mums the naggy naggy one but on small stuff. Whereas dad is the naggy one on those big issues. But they do agree that CC is a nono. But my dad is like no prob. pool is good. u know wats the funny thing, i was tokin to my dad bout cc, and he was like smoking is better than cc. ...-_- i dont know wat to say..
Of course he doesnt want me to do both but its like cc is worst than smoking?
well anyway faye, ur coming back soon rite? freedom at last :)
O yea, i realize that i cant study at home. Library is quite productive, though the word quiet doesnt seem to be understood by any1.Take care ya.
You're a good girl. I mean not daddys girl tat kinda thing. But ur decent and nice . * HOPE UR PARENT SEE THIS* ;)
Dear Faye,
Wish you luck?? I've no idea why I find this a little humourous though. Whatever happens, just see the glass as half full.
Regards,
Jason.
since as Tim says, this is in the open, those of you who commented here, let us know, what would YOUR parents do if you lost your SPM result slip?..........okay with them, no problem?..........if so, then come and tell us here how terrible other people's parents are.........
^---------No prizes for guessing who 'anonymous' is in the last post.
Man Faye, you have some great friends. No one cares about my blog. At least so many people chip in here.
@Chris: Monash Malaysia-no one keeps quiet in the library? Just confirms my fact that you can never educate asians.
@LxRaito yaoi freak:I can't believe I acctually know (on paper) who you are. Nice and long post there. While you have valid points, and its nice to know that I'm not the only one thay tells tmy parents the stupid and careless things I have done, I don't agree with your "pratical"bit. There are "rites of passage", but now that I look back, sometimes i wish I had listened to my parents before doing anything.
What ALL of you don't know is my father. What he is like. The thing is, he is 99% right all the time. While it can be frustating, and for Faye, irrtating, i'd rather have that than someone who can't make a decision (like me).
I acknowledge the right of freedom of speech and expression, but people, know the weight of your words.
Oh #$%@. Another rant-turned-forum-like-comment. XD
umm...ok....*deep breath*
Niisan: yadayaydayaydyadyadyydyayayyda*point taken* >.> by the way that Chris is not the Monash one I think. You gotta remember I have at least 3 friends called Chris reading this blog. Cheers and STOP SPAMMING MY PHONE DAMNIT XD
L/Raito: Whoa....damn that comment is longer than my post....can't belive you actually bothered to write all that :) But thanks for sharing you thoughts, and.....not so sure about the animefest thing. I tend to get skeptical about events planned by students....>.> I might go and see what it's all about though....
Chris:Ummm....thanks..?o_O Be great to be back again...and my parents would have read your comment....XD see ya in the library
Jason: Owkay...*not used to formal-ness in a blog* see you round.
annonymous #1 (I know who you all are XD): yeah. I know. Thanks.
annonymous #2: all the best to ya :) See you soon.
annonymous(parents):Pft. Go ahead and scream to the whole world, but it ain't working. People stop reading comments after a while -LAH. This ain't a forum.
Oh #$%@. Another rant-turned-forum-like-comment. XD
umm...ok....*deep breath*
Niisan: yadayaydayaydyadyadyydyayayyda*point taken* >.> by the way that Chris is not the Monash one I think. You gotta remember I have at least 3 friends called Chris reading this blog. Cheers and STOP SPAMMING MY PHONE DAMNIT XD
L/Raito: Whoa....damn that comment is longer than my post....can't belive you actually bothered to write all that :) But thanks for sharing you thoughts, and.....not so sure about the animefest thing. I tend to get skeptical about events planned by students....>.> I might go and see what it's all about though....
Chris:Ummm....thanks..?o_O Be great to be back again...and my parents would have read your comment....XD see ya in the library
Jason: Owkay...*not used to formal-ness in a blog* see you round.
annonymous #1 (I know who you all are XD): yeah. I know. Thanks.
annonymous #2: all the best to ya :) See you soon.
annonymous(parents):Pft. Go ahead and scream to the whole world, but it ain't working. People stop reading comments after a while -LAH. This ain't a forum.
Faye: Touch'e! Nevertheless... one wonders. It's so rare to actually find some anime conventions nowadays... especially in your own college. o_o If I'm here then, I might go, but my class's planinng on organising a trip to Pangkor. Wtf - talk about random, right?
Timothy: *grins* Thanks! Also, well, I suppose I can relate to you on that matter. My dad's always 99% right, as well... or, at least he THINKS he is. But no one can argue with him, no, because he's God and everything. *rolls eyes* Whatever the case, I'm glad he's out of my life!
...You know who I am on paper? Lol, I guess. XD
Well, as for rites of passage and suchlike... my father used to believe in letting the kid learn whatever s/he should learn in life by him/herself, hence my turning out the way I am now with such beliefs, I suppose. My mother... is unreasonable in the sense where she's trying to keep me in a protective shell out of concern and sheer paranoia on her part, and as far as things go and from what I've seen with some truly stupid things she's been doing recently which I shall not mention here due to some being of a very embarrassing and utterly humiliating nature - I also don't hold much respect for her, since when it comes to making decisions... well, I'm considerably decisive and I make better decisions than her. The one thing she can never really accept about me now is probably the fact that I grew up on her - that I'm a teenager now with a mind of my own, rather than that little barbie doll la-la girl she's always wanted to accompany her on her shopping sprees. Hah. :D
- L/Raito yaoi freak
Wow...13 comments...
Anyway, Faye and L/Raito, the committees for the anime fest are really enthusiastic, albeit inexperienced...hehe...they seem to be doing a good job so far....*promoting for them cos they've been promoting for Musical Night*...=D
Lol...like Timothy said, I'd definitely rather have my occassional nagging, lack-of-privacy from parents who really care than have someone who doesn't care nuts about me and who I turn out to be. I'd say this, it can be terribly irritating when parents don't trust what you've been doing, (ie: studying, blogging, MSN-ing, etc - trust me I know...)yet I know its impossible to get where I am without the discipline that comes with the fear of the eyes watching my every action. It comes down to balance, really..we're not (at least I'm not..hehe..) matured and responsible enough to have freedom over our lives, yet we're not the kids that need to be monitored and controlled 24/7 over every single little thing we do. Teens are naturally rebellious, and both parent and child has to work to establish the boundary between control and a dictator-like existence.
PS: Just in case..I can vouch that I've seen you more times than I can count in the library during your exam period..XD
Missing all of you guys in college...hehe...=)
hiiiiiiiii faye!!
I don't mind just leaving my name linked here, because my blog is a private blog. BWAHAHAHA.
Anyway, that sucks, but hey, my parents are like that too. My mom found one of my blogs, and completely FREAKED because of all the foul language. She said the people who gave me the scholarship would withdraw it yadda yadda.
Anyway, it sucks.
Plus, she checks my MSN.
And mom, in case you're reading this too, HIIIIIIII!!!
:D
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